[There's a wide grin on her face. That was the point of the movie, but it's not the point of D/s as far as she knows. She's not really one to deal with emotions or relationships, considering her stance on the whole thing. It's an interesting take, even if it's a backwards showing of how most of those contracts work from what she's heard.]
From what I know, that's just how the movie does it. I think it's merely for entertainment. You know, to get lonely housewives something to fantasize over, or bored avengers. I think most people in those type of contracts trust first and set them up for a variety of reasons, emotions or not. Many are already in relationships and those that aren't do it for a sort of gratification, a release they need for one reason or another. I've never done much beyond a little bondage. I'd try things, I'd try most anything if I had a partner that I trust, but I don't know about it enough to talk about it.
[At least he agrees with her suggestion about crying. Everyone is different, and why hide when in the company of someone trusted. Natasha doesn't trust many, but she's beginning to find a semblance of relaxation here. ]
I do not know if I could trust someone to tie me up.
[There's this flicker of fear across his face. Should make sense, given he'd been a test subject more or less. So he didn't want to feel trapped again. It would be bad he thought.]
I tied them up. I don't think I'd let anyone tie me up either. I like to be in control of things. I am interested in a lot, but I don't know if I'd ever trust anyone enough to do them with.
[She reaches out at the look in his eyes and runs a soothing hand along his back and then moves to run the back of her fingers across his cheekbone. She was a test subject in a way as well. Her mind and body had been a plaything for exploitation. The fact that she used her body still to get information showed how deeply embedded the training had gone. She was free in many ways, but there were still parts that would never leave-- like some of the memories they'd given her, that she knew now weren't hers, but still settled across her brain and lingered there like any other part of her past. It was disturbing, but she'd grown used to it.]
No one will do anything to you anymore unless you allow them.
I mean, I've been tied up to get information, but that was work and I could easily get out. I allowed myself to be captured and was in complete control of everything. They were offering up all the information because they thought they were going to kill me. That's different.
[Work and sex were often in the same category, but sexual bondage and allowing someone to capture her in order to gain information was different. She was always in complete control then. Never again would she allow anyone else to own her life.]
I can't promise you won't be attacked as part of the avengers. That's our job, but you have control of your life. It's the one thing I know, and have had since I was pulled out of Russia and the Red Room. Clint saved me. I set all my own rules.
[There is so much he doesn't know how to respond to there. The idea of having that much authority over his own life. It was something he'd never had before.]
HOw do you learn to live a life with true freedom? A life where you make your own choices and do not need to fear where food may come from? So much I do not know. But perhaps someone with more experience can tell me. Teach me.
The Avengers pay well enough, and what we don't get through missions, we can take on jobs on the side that are offered to us. We get to pick. You will too. If you don't trust, or know the people, I can help or any of us can.
[It's such a loaded question. Natasha knows it had been a huge adjustment coming here. She had been through the adjustment of being always told what to do, to openly making choices. Her strong personality made it easier for her. It came mostly naturally, but anything she didn't understand, she had Tony and Clint help with.]
It's a lot of asking the questions as they come. You take the big decisions and break them down into little choices the best you can. You will do okay. You made it here, you made the decision to come see me on your own. You will figure out what you like, and act on it. If you want something, you can ask. You have the right to feel how you want, ask for it, and then see if you can get it. Go for what you want. You never know what will happen.
[He didn't think they did that. Just that they were given spaces to stay. This is new information to him. But he also does not talk much to Stark. Wanda handles that. She is more... temperate. He's just shocked the old man has not told him this. The man definitely tried to look out for them.]
Go for what I want, huh? Seems like that is a very interesting way to live. I want to figure it out, though. How to find what I want.
We risk our lives, and we get some money to pay the bills. Yes. Otherwise we'd be stuck with nothing for all that we do. It's not nearly enough, and most comes from the government, but I imagine there's private sources too. I take private jobs on the side so I can afford the place I live in here, because New York is really fucking expensive.
[Taking a small breath, Natasha feels so much for this man who is so at odds with the world he lived in and the one he abides in now. It tears at her, and throws her back into the life she lived once upon a time. Learning that she had any freedoms, and that she had rights of her own... That she deserved anything was the hardest thing for her to overcome. She still didn't believe much of that to this day.
It wasn't a thing she advertised either.]
You try things in little steps, order a pizza and try different toppings. Find the color you like best, and the fabric of shirt. I found that it's way easier to take little steps, than big ones. Sometimes big ones are forced on us, but we do our best.
[Pietro of course winces at 'from the government'. Because he does not trust governments. They have their own desires that do not always line up with those that other people should have and respect.]
Oh, I have most definitely figured out the pizza thing. Supreme. I want it all. And colors aren't hard either. Blues and greens are pleasing. Having those choices are nice. Better than things I did not have time to think about. THough I think Wanda is the one learning fashion more. She seems to like it.
[If Pietro mentioned it, Natasha she would have told him that she trusts it even less. However, they can pay her all they want. They both owe them nothing. It's for work already done. There's more money from SHIELD, which had been rebuilt by Coulsen after it became a thing of HYDRA. Nothing could be trusted intimately in Natasha's experience, except certain people. Money came from where it did. ]
Supreme is good. I'm a little more simple, but I can eat what comes when I'm with my friends. I like fashion at times. I don't spend too much time on it except for ... Well, I have a collection of lingerie. I never had anything like it at all back home and fell in love with feeling good that way, no matter what I wore on the outside. It's all for me. I think we all find things that we enjoy spending our money on eventually, things that are a little frivolous.
[His eyes light up briefly at the idea of a collection of lingerie. Applaud him for having the self restraint to not go investigating. He's a good boy.]
Shoes. I have acquired a large number of shoes. At first it was to figure out what held up. But nothing does. Now it is just to enjoy them while they last. Perhaps it comes from not always having them when I needed them when I was younger.
[If Natasha had been worried about showing him her collection she wouldn't have mentioned it, but since he doesn't prompt further, she doesn't say anymore-- for now. She'd almost hoped he would ask. She'd been working on a way to flirt with him a little better, but she seems to be rather poor at it and so perhaps it's easier if they keep things on the up and up.
She smiles with a gracious nod, taking another shot of vodka]
There you go. See, you've found a thing of freedom that's your very own and no one will take it away from you. I liked to see what was pretty, and because I never had such things, the same. I imagine nothing holds up so well, but they will make you things that work hard for you in the labs. I mean, the suits they make the others withstand bullets, so something should work better on your feet.
[He is just young and not used to this degree of flirting. Perhaps it is one of the few areas where he is slow. After all, he is used to it having to be the man to be forward.]
Yes. I will be appreciative when my bulletproof things are ready. Stark says they will require more work. I would prefer not to have more holes put into me though. The ones I already had were enough. They do not make for so heroic a story to tell the ladies as you would think.
[There's not only one way to flirt, and Natasha is used to both. She's been given classes in flirting and seduction since she was thirteen, hardly more than a babe herself. It's almost natural in some instances, and in cases like this, she figures that things will develop organically if they are meant to. Young will certainly do as it is supposed to, will it not.]
Stark is always talking about things needing more work. I usually end up nagging him about it, or talking to his computer. Literally, talking to the computer. It does things better. No, holes do not make the greatest stories, although the scars are winners. You'd be surprised at how many of us do love a great scar.
[Pietro's fingers come up to touch lightly at his shoulder, then down to his chest. That last bullet, it had been so close to his heart. A tiny bit closer and he would have died trying to save Clint and the child. His survival had been a one in an million chance.]
I do not like my scars so much. They tell me of all the mistakes I made. Falling for what turned out to be Hydra, causing Ultron to be formed and to rise, attempting to kill Stark...
It's okay. I understand. I have been shot as well, shot clean through.
[She touches her side, where Bucky shot through her to get at the man she was with. There are things that they can't stop. They are far less than perfect and Natasha has her share of scars across her body that show that. She's been stabbed numerous times, and taken plenty of shrapnel, and other wounds. The amount of times she's dislocated something is probably only hilarious to her.]
They are only mistakes if you don't learn from them. They are learning opportunities, ways to gain wisdom. I have had many in my past, so many. I have also tried to kill Stark. That's how they recruited me to the Avengers. Barton found good in me while I was attempting an assassination on Stark. He got me out of the KGB and the Red Room. I'd slaughtered so many before then. I have to think of what I'm doing now. Life is to live, and to live trying to do good, I feel.
[Wait, she did? She tried to kill Stark? And Clint stopped her? Pietro's eyes go wide at that, before he smiles.]
I think Stark may owe the old man a mansion, given it is clear he has saved Stark's life a few times over. And made friends in the process. He is quite special like that. To save us from ourselves.
[She laughs, and nods. Gathering another set of shots for them she raises him a glass in toast.]
Here's to being a part of the 'I tried to kill Stark and was stopped club.'
[Still grinning, she takes back the shot. It's not really one of the prouder moments in her life, but it's brought her so much joy on the backside of it. It's brought her family, and a method of giving back for all the damage she wrought in her earlier life.
She'll drink to that. ]
I may have saved his life a few times since then, so I think we're even by now- both of them.
You have your free will too. Wait, you'll get your turn to save him one day too. You'll save all of us probably. You're good at what you do.
[She issued a soft smile and leaned back into the couch, closing her eyes for a little bit. This was relaxing and nice. It'd been a while since she'd relaxed around someone. ]
[Seeing him in action, she might have cause to exclaim differently. Honestly, she thinks he's a bit of a marvel, but that's her. Every person has their own opinion of themself and it hardly ever matches that of those around them.
Turning toward him, she reaches out and takes her fingers to his shoulder. she's a wonder at the art of massage. a few rolls of her thumb and forefinger near the right nerves, and hopefully he can feel the tension in that part of his muscle releasing. It might come back, but it's a temporary solution-- a brief respite from the stressors of everyday life.]
We all get better with time. How does that feel? If you turn your back toward me, I will do the rest. I'm pretty good at it.
[Tension lived in all of his muscles, like his body was always poised for flight. Perhaps it was. He does at least have the presence of mind to be embarrassed when he groans just a little at even the briefest bit of massage. It was a wonder. Of course he's immediately turning his back toward her.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2024-05-06 03:06 pm (UTC)And why would someone think a contract would protect them from emotions? Emotions cannot be controlled. That sounds foolish.
[As for the crying, he nods in agreement because it makes a lot of sense.]
no subject
Date: 2024-05-08 04:14 pm (UTC)From what I know, that's just how the movie does it. I think it's merely for entertainment. You know, to get lonely housewives something to fantasize over, or bored avengers. I think most people in those type of contracts trust first and set them up for a variety of reasons, emotions or not. Many are already in relationships and those that aren't do it for a sort of gratification, a release they need for one reason or another. I've never done much beyond a little bondage. I'd try things, I'd try most anything if I had a partner that I trust, but I don't know about it enough to talk about it.
[At least he agrees with her suggestion about crying. Everyone is different, and why hide when in the company of someone trusted. Natasha doesn't trust many, but she's beginning to find a semblance of relaxation here. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-05-09 08:07 pm (UTC)[There's this flicker of fear across his face. Should make sense, given he'd been a test subject more or less. So he didn't want to feel trapped again. It would be bad he thought.]
no subject
Date: 2024-05-10 01:53 pm (UTC)[She reaches out at the look in his eyes and runs a soothing hand along his back and then moves to run the back of her fingers across his cheekbone. She was a test subject in a way as well. Her mind and body had been a plaything for exploitation. The fact that she used her body still to get information showed how deeply embedded the training had gone. She was free in many ways, but there were still parts that would never leave-- like some of the memories they'd given her, that she knew now weren't hers, but still settled across her brain and lingered there like any other part of her past. It was disturbing, but she'd grown used to it.]
No one will do anything to you anymore unless you allow them.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-11 12:37 am (UTC)[Pietro offered with a nod. Because her history would mean that she had to give herself up in a way that would be hard for people like them.]
You believe that? I do not believe it.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-11 02:19 am (UTC)[Work and sex were often in the same category, but sexual bondage and allowing someone to capture her in order to gain information was different. She was always in complete control then. Never again would she allow anyone else to own her life.]
I can't promise you won't be attacked as part of the avengers. That's our job, but you have control of your life. It's the one thing I know, and have had since I was pulled out of Russia and the Red Room. Clint saved me. I set all my own rules.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-14 01:18 pm (UTC)HOw do you learn to live a life with true freedom? A life where you make your own choices and do not need to fear where food may come from? So much I do not know. But perhaps someone with more experience can tell me. Teach me.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-15 02:56 pm (UTC)[It's such a loaded question. Natasha knows it had been a huge adjustment coming here. She had been through the adjustment of being always told what to do, to openly making choices. Her strong personality made it easier for her. It came mostly naturally, but anything she didn't understand, she had Tony and Clint help with.]
It's a lot of asking the questions as they come. You take the big decisions and break them down into little choices the best you can. You will do okay. You made it here, you made the decision to come see me on your own. You will figure out what you like, and act on it. If you want something, you can ask. You have the right to feel how you want, ask for it, and then see if you can get it. Go for what you want. You never know what will happen.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-19 03:16 pm (UTC)[He didn't think they did that. Just that they were given spaces to stay. This is new information to him. But he also does not talk much to Stark. Wanda handles that. She is more... temperate. He's just shocked the old man has not told him this. The man definitely tried to look out for them.]
Go for what I want, huh? Seems like that is a very interesting way to live. I want to figure it out, though. How to find what I want.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-19 06:18 pm (UTC)[Taking a small breath, Natasha feels so much for this man who is so at odds with the world he lived in and the one he abides in now. It tears at her, and throws her back into the life she lived once upon a time. Learning that she had any freedoms, and that she had rights of her own... That she deserved anything was the hardest thing for her to overcome. She still didn't believe much of that to this day.
It wasn't a thing she advertised either.]
You try things in little steps, order a pizza and try different toppings. Find the color you like best, and the fabric of shirt. I found that it's way easier to take little steps, than big ones. Sometimes big ones are forced on us, but we do our best.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-22 12:36 pm (UTC)Oh, I have most definitely figured out the pizza thing. Supreme. I want it all. And colors aren't hard either. Blues and greens are pleasing. Having those choices are nice. Better than things I did not have time to think about. THough I think Wanda is the one learning fashion more. She seems to like it.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-24 03:16 pm (UTC)Supreme is good. I'm a little more simple, but I can eat what comes when I'm with my friends. I like fashion at times. I don't spend too much time on it except for ... Well, I have a collection of lingerie. I never had anything like it at all back home and fell in love with feeling good that way, no matter what I wore on the outside. It's all for me. I think we all find things that we enjoy spending our money on eventually, things that are a little frivolous.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-25 07:58 pm (UTC)Shoes. I have acquired a large number of shoes. At first it was to figure out what held up. But nothing does. Now it is just to enjoy them while they last. Perhaps it comes from not always having them when I needed them when I was younger.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-26 03:11 pm (UTC)She smiles with a gracious nod, taking another shot of vodka]
There you go. See, you've found a thing of freedom that's your very own and no one will take it away from you. I liked to see what was pretty, and because I never had such things, the same. I imagine nothing holds up so well, but they will make you things that work hard for you in the labs. I mean, the suits they make the others withstand bullets, so something should work better on your feet.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-27 02:11 pm (UTC)Yes. I will be appreciative when my bulletproof things are ready. Stark says they will require more work. I would prefer not to have more holes put into me though. The ones I already had were enough. They do not make for so heroic a story to tell the ladies as you would think.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-29 12:14 am (UTC)Stark is always talking about things needing more work. I usually end up nagging him about it, or talking to his computer. Literally, talking to the computer. It does things better. No, holes do not make the greatest stories, although the scars are winners. You'd be surprised at how many of us do love a great scar.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-29 01:31 pm (UTC)[Pietro's fingers come up to touch lightly at his shoulder, then down to his chest. That last bullet, it had been so close to his heart. A tiny bit closer and he would have died trying to save Clint and the child. His survival had been a one in an million chance.]
I do not like my scars so much. They tell me of all the mistakes I made. Falling for what turned out to be Hydra, causing Ultron to be formed and to rise, attempting to kill Stark...
no subject
Date: 2024-05-29 02:10 pm (UTC)[She touches her side, where Bucky shot through her to get at the man she was with. There are things that they can't stop. They are far less than perfect and Natasha has her share of scars across her body that show that. She's been stabbed numerous times, and taken plenty of shrapnel, and other wounds. The amount of times she's dislocated something is probably only hilarious to her.]
They are only mistakes if you don't learn from them. They are learning opportunities, ways to gain wisdom. I have had many in my past, so many. I have also tried to kill Stark. That's how they recruited me to the Avengers. Barton found good in me while I was attempting an assassination on Stark. He got me out of the KGB and the Red Room. I'd slaughtered so many before then. I have to think of what I'm doing now. Life is to live, and to live trying to do good, I feel.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-30 01:29 pm (UTC)I think Stark may owe the old man a mansion, given it is clear he has saved Stark's life a few times over. And made friends in the process. He is quite special like that. To save us from ourselves.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-30 02:00 pm (UTC)Here's to being a part of the 'I tried to kill Stark and was stopped club.'
[Still grinning, she takes back the shot. It's not really one of the prouder moments in her life, but it's brought her so much joy on the backside of it. It's brought her family, and a method of giving back for all the damage she wrought in her earlier life.
She'll drink to that. ]
I may have saved his life a few times since then, so I think we're even by now- both of them.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-03 02:24 pm (UTC)More specifically, tried to kill Stark and was stopped by Barton. It's an interesting club.
[Still, he is amused to think that Natasha has saved Stark. How strange to do.]
I suppose for you, you now have your own free will.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-03 06:04 pm (UTC)[She issued a soft smile and leaned back into the couch, closing her eyes for a little bit. This was relaxing and nice. It'd been a while since she'd relaxed around someone. ]
You know, you're pretty nice to hang out with.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 01:57 pm (UTC)I think I am very good at some of what I do. There are not many people who complain. But I will get better at other things too. Like relaxing.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 04:34 pm (UTC)Turning toward him, she reaches out and takes her fingers to his shoulder. she's a wonder at the art of massage. a few rolls of her thumb and forefinger near the right nerves, and hopefully he can feel the tension in that part of his muscle releasing. It might come back, but it's a temporary solution-- a brief respite from the stressors of everyday life.]
We all get better with time. How does that feel? If you turn your back toward me, I will do the rest. I'm pretty good at it.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-10 11:51 pm (UTC)It is good. I was not expecting to need it.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:sorry for delay i have been ill
From:never a problem. Glad you're feeling better <3
From:I know it rarely is for people, but apologizing is in my blood
From:Same here. I've been doing it cause I had a medical procedure. You weren't the only one out
From:so fair. i hope it went well, the procedure
From:oh, it was a blast. lol. Yes, everything was good with this one. thx.
From:i'm glad. i had two, one not fun, and the other pair fine. so yay, better together!
From:i had two at the same time. One was not fun at all. My next one is in 2 weeks. fingers crossd
From:i'll cross mine too in case it helps
From:appreciate it.
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:sorry for all of the delay. i'm starting to feel better
From:That's good. We all have stuff that takes us away for a while. Its never a problem. <3
From: