[ He can tell that she's relaxed - really, actually relaxed, and not putting on airs. And it's relaxing, just to go out together, just to do normal things that normal people do, and not have to worry about aliens or robots or HYDRA.
Not tonight. ]
You can have some of mine.
And Nat, we came here because it got rave reviews.
I'm not sure we have to tell anyone it's here.
[ They already know. And, it'd be a shame to keep this to themselves. They'll at least have to tell the rest of the team. ]
[No worries tonight beyond how full they're going to be and what they're going to do with the complete body buzz it will create.
laughing, Nat dips back into her plate and takes another bite looking at the two plates that she still has food on. ]
Steve, babe. I do love you, but I think two plates of food is enough. I only meant I wanted more of mine.
[she giggles then, a light sound that rarely if ever leaves her lips-- fingers immediately lifting to hide the action. She knows better than to show such lightheartedness. But then relaxes realizing where she is. ]
You're ruining my dream of having this be our place that no one ever bothers us at. We deserve that, don't we?
[of course she'll tell the others, but she can dream can't she?]
[ He really likes the sound of her laugh, even if it's directed at him. But he's just excited, and he knows that's how she is too. ]
Well, okay. We can order some to go so you can eat it tomorrow.
Or, we can always come back.
[ He reaches over to the other side of the table to gently touch the back of her hand. It's not very often that he feels comfortable enough to display this kind of affection. ]
[her laugh dies down to a fond smile as she glances across the table to find him watching her as she was spying upon him earlier. It's true, they're both simple, and excited by excellent food. Her lips quirk up to the side, and she drops her head a little]
We'll come back eventually. We have other wonderful little places like this to discover. Can't put all our stores in one pot. I think that's the saying, right?
[She flips her hand over when he reaches across. It's a tender gesture, and she knows that he doesn't make them flippantly. Offering her fingers to him, she makes to hold his hand. One hand is good enough for eating right now.]
We've always got options. Lots, and lots of them.
[She glances back up and soft eyes meet his across the table, and for one small second there's no wall, no pretenses, nothing there but Natasha wide and open as she looks over at Steve.]
[ He can't really tell what she's thinking from how she acts. Even when she does little micro moves, well, firstly, he's never been good at understanding the subtleties of women. He's always been observant though, and he at least understands that when she offers to hold his hand right back, that's an excellent thing. ]
That's true. About eighty Starbucks locations alone in Manhattan.
[ He says, on autopilot, even though that's a dumb thing to say at the moment. But he's a little distracted by the openness in the look in her eye. ]
[It's okay that he doesn't get all the little tiny idiosyncrasies of women. When Natasha decides something, she's usually pretty up front about it. Right now, she's enjoying the small things. Talking and holding hands. It's not really all that often that she gets to hold hands with someone she likes. It feels nice.
She runs her thumb along his, and smiles softly. ]
That's a lot of coffee. I think we might end up like Loki if we drank that much coffee. A lot crazy, and ready to take over a few worlds. Maybe we should try one starbucks, and some Italian food next time. Or call me crazy, we can skip the food and stay in for movies, or drive somewhere quiet and beautiful.
[Never once did she bring back up her shields, instead while she was speaking she drops her shoe, and slides the side of her foot along his ankle without even thinking about it. ]
I was kidding, and I like local shops too. They're more personal.
[there's a laugh and she takes another bite of food, enjoying their easy conversation. She loves how nothing is forced between them. They could make the weather interesting she imagines. There's a small snicker and a nod.]
I wasn't planning on tackling everything in one day. I was listing date ideas, you know, ways of saying I wanted to go out with you more, Steve. But, of course, we both know that training and missions will always come first.
Dates. I like the idea of having a date or so a week. It's not every day that I find someone to cuddle and watch old movies with.
[It doesn't matter if all the movies he likes are the old black and white film. She enjoys any movies really. There wasn't much in the way of freedom in her line of work, and catching up on all that she's missed over the years has been enjoyable. Taking time to not have sex, but to sit and cuddle with someone on the bed or couch and watch any kind of TV is something to look forward to.
Not that she wouldn't get a little frisky if she wanted to, but there's never pressure, and what's a kiss or two to enjoy when you're curled up under blankets. The thought makes her smile, even if she's not saying a word.]
What, going on dates every week or so? I'd like to do that. Think we could manage, barring any work-related things.
Might be a nice change of pace.
[ He smiles and then realizes something. ]
So, when you were trying to set me up with just about everyone except you, was that part of the plan? Because if you'd just asked me out directly, I wouldn't have said no.
[ Nat's. Well, Nat. If anything, Steve would've thought she was joking. She's way out of his league, as far as he understands leagues. ]
[she's going to stop, and the look on her face as she peers down at her glass with mirth says exactly that. Nat bites at the corner of her lip and then glances back at him. How could she ever be healthy for someone this wonderful and completely wholesome. Yes, he's in the business, but she could still eat him for breakfast on a good day.
It's with a small sigh that she puts some food in her mouth so she doesn't have to speak for a moment and then finally after a sip of wine she looks back at him.]
I figured you might say yes. That was the problem. If you were dating someone else, then I didn't have to worry about how much I liked you.
What? Nat, that makes no sense. Why would you worry about -
- Nat, I guess.
[ He takes a breath, because he knows that she thinks that she's not possibly worthy of Mjölnir, that she has a lot to atone for. But she was also raised to be a child assassin, brainwashed by a regime. She fought her way out, saw good, wanted to do that with her life. ]
I guess what I'm saying is, your past matters to me because it matters to you. But what's more relevant is who you are now. What you're doing now. And I really like who that is.
I'm still not perfect Steve, you know that. I do private work. I try to make sure it's for good, but I've done things I'm not proud of. I use my skills, all of my skills.
[there's a pause there, because if they were together she would give up certain things. She would never cheat on him, and so that side of using her body to get what she wanted, what she needed would be off the table. Nat was plenty smart to out-wit the majority of political diplomats on her own recognizance. They just liked to see her as a set of tits and ass first.
Plus, it made it easier to be deadly when they were expecting a naked woman. She sighed and clasped their fingers together tightly. ]
You are entirely too good for me, but I've wanted this for so long. I've watched you struggle to become who you are today, struggle against the politics and machinations of government and fight for true change and I can't help but admire who you are so much. You're hot enough to send me to my knees, but it's you and your heart that I've always loved.
[finishing, she dips her head, unsteady and unsure of what to do-- confessing all her feelings was not in the cards for tonight. How that happened is a surprise to her.]
[ He listens to all of this, really lets it sink in, and really thinks about what she says, and that's the first thing he says. ]
I know you think I'm too good for you, but I'm not. I'm not - we're just two people. Trying to do the right thing, Nat.
[ He's just trying to figure out how to say this so it doesn't seem like she owes him anything or that he's better than she is, because he's not. He doesn't believe that. He wants them to be on equal footing, so she knows that he thinks of her -- he needs to use his words. ]
I think so highly of you, Nat. There's really no one else I'd rather have fighting by me. I.
[ He takes her hand, and looks up into her eyes, trying to catch them in a moment where the two of them can see each other plainly, where she can see that he's got nothing to hide. ]
[In her head it registers that no one is truly perfect, but at times all she can see is the red in her ledger. Nat knows she's worked hard to wipe it clean, but there will always be that force there-- and trouble will always exist on the horizon. She stops though, stops trying to sabotage everything decent here before it can really settle and she lets Steve have the floor.
He's not perfect, even if in her eyes, he's all that she can see. ]
You're so amazing, and yeah, we're both trying to do the right thing. You end up getting the better stick most of the time. I'm trying, and...
[it's all that he says next that shuts her mouth and catches her completely off guard. In part, Nat hadn't truly realized what she said before. She knows that in her heart that's what she feels, but she'd coupled it with a lot of other things, and spoke about other things being what she loved, not thinking that what her words amounted to were literally the fact that she did love him.
That's why when he caught her eye, and looked at her plainly, seeing her in the way she only let him see her tonight. She'd only just opened herself up this way tonight, so that he could see her heart.
Those words. She never thought she'd hear them from anyone. After her breath returns she stutters out his name, and then pulls her chair over to the side so that she's so much closer to Steve. With his hand in hers, she looks back at him and takes a deep breath.]
I- I do. I love you too Steve. You and no one else. If you will have me. I will do my best to be with you, and be yours.
[she closes her eyes, terrified as she is excited and passionate. opening them once again, nat pulls their hands in close and tugs Steve to her so that she can press their lips together softly. It's one of the most careful and softest kisses she's ever given and it's very different than the one they shared in disguise before. This has emotion and feeling behind it. ]
[ He still doesn't understand it. He's seen her record. It's bad, yes, but it's not the worst he's seen. She has so much guilt that she can't even accept the good that she's done afterwards.
And it's not like Steve's hands are fully clean, either. He's killed, but he can't let that take him down. He doesn't know how to phrase this again, like how he'd said to Wanda - they need to keep fighting, and that's all they can do. They can't change the past, they can only do better in the future.
He's still trying to come up with the words when she starts talking again, and though he should see the kiss coming, it still surprises him, though he recovers a lot more easily than he had the first go-around. No need for Nat to tell him he's bad at kissing this time.
When they finally break, he has his hands at her waist. ]
You're already doing your best, Nat. That's all I could hope for.
[ He offers her a small smile. ]
Why don't I pay for this and we... take a walk around?
[There are a lot of things that aren't in her record, and so much that is redacted even from the things that are listed. Then there are the things they brainwashed her with, and beyond. She's colored inside and outside the lines. She's been killing since before she became a woman even. It's not even about that anymore, and that's what she's doing her best to release into the world at large.
Nat knows that if she's going to hold onto it forever, she won't make it. There's times she hasn't been quick enough, or strong enough but for the most part she's still only human. There's some of her that's super, but it's not too much.
Sitting here with Steve is the first time in a long time that Natasha can remember truly feeling one hundred percent like a whole woman. His arms make her do that. ]
I know, and if it's somehow good enough for you then I'll let it be and I think that's a great idea if you're sure you've had enough to eat.
[ Well, he could always eat more, because he's Steve. He could easily continue to just eat, like a cow does, all day. But he won't, because he's had his fill and what he really wants is to walk with Nat.
So, he takes out his cash - of course he still pays with cash - and happily offers his arm out to her. ]
[There's a small grin on her face as she waits for him to pay their bill with cash, and for the waitress to come back. When everything's settled she stands and stretches, making sure her lower cut dress doesn't do anything revealing and slips her arm through his.
Outside, a nice, if still warm breeze blows along the sidewalk. Down the way she can hear music coming from somewhere. She nods her head toward the slower song of a saxophone]
How about we find it.
[In a slightly intimate manner, she tips her head and noses against his neck, kissing it softly. ]
Thank you for everything tonight. It's been totally unexpected, but I don't know when I last felt like this.
I didn't realize that this was anything more than two friends having dinner, Steve. That it could ever be that.
[There's that look she adores. One moment he can be bold, and then next so shy. It's such a study in dichotomies being with him, but Nat loves that about him. ]
It is good to see one another when the world isn't falling apart, or when we aren't dodging crazy threats from crazier people. Walking freely and without worry down a street is wonderful.
[she brings his hand to her lips and dots a kiss over each of his fingers. ]
[ He says, noncommittally, because it's Steve and Steve has a lot of problems and most of them are with how he clams up whenever he talks to a beautiful woman. Honestly, this is already a lot braver than he normally is, but only because he and Nat are such good friends. ]
You know the best part about all this is, the bad guys picked a really nice evening to take off.
[ And then, when she's done kissing his hand, he reaches over to cup her cheek, and bring het closer. ]
[she pauses, and looks up at him and tips her head a little looking into her eyes. Her heart does this funny thing inside her and her stomach drops a little. Did she misunderstand things in the restaurant. Usually when a man says they love you, they mean something by it.
She wanted him to mean something by it. At least, that's what she'd thought when he'd said it. Inhaling she smiles and leans against his hand.]
Yeah, they were nice. Steve. You say that this can be whatever I want it to be, but inside the restaurant.. you told me that you loved me. Was that just a friendly thing then?
[She swallows hard, and glances up, moving into the shadow of his body.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Not tonight. ]
You can have some of mine.
And Nat, we came here because it got rave reviews.
I'm not sure we have to tell anyone it's here.
[ They already know. And, it'd be a shame to keep this to themselves. They'll at least have to tell the rest of the team. ]
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laughing, Nat dips back into her plate and takes another bite looking at the two plates that she still has food on. ]
Steve, babe. I do love you, but I think two plates of food is enough. I only meant I wanted more of mine.
[she giggles then, a light sound that rarely if ever leaves her lips-- fingers immediately lifting to hide the action. She knows better than to show such lightheartedness. But then relaxes realizing where she is. ]
You're ruining my dream of having this be our place that no one ever bothers us at. We deserve that, don't we?
[of course she'll tell the others, but she can dream can't she?]
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Well, okay. We can order some to go so you can eat it tomorrow.
Or, we can always come back.
[ He reaches over to the other side of the table to gently touch the back of her hand. It's not very often that he feels comfortable enough to display this kind of affection. ]
We've got options.
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We'll come back eventually. We have other wonderful little places like this to discover. Can't put all our stores in one pot. I think that's the saying, right?
[She flips her hand over when he reaches across. It's a tender gesture, and she knows that he doesn't make them flippantly. Offering her fingers to him, she makes to hold his hand. One hand is good enough for eating right now.]
We've always got options. Lots, and lots of them.
[She glances back up and soft eyes meet his across the table, and for one small second there's no wall, no pretenses, nothing there but Natasha wide and open as she looks over at Steve.]
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That's true. About eighty Starbucks locations alone in Manhattan.
[ He says, on autopilot, even though that's a dumb thing to say at the moment. But he's a little distracted by the openness in the look in her eye. ]
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She runs her thumb along his, and smiles softly. ]
That's a lot of coffee. I think we might end up like Loki if we drank that much coffee. A lot crazy, and ready to take over a few worlds. Maybe we should try one starbucks, and some Italian food next time. Or call me crazy, we can skip the food and stay in for movies, or drive somewhere quiet and beautiful.
[Never once did she bring back up her shields, instead while she was speaking she drops her shoe, and slides the side of her foot along his ankle without even thinking about it. ]
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And I prefer the local shops. Think it's mostly the tourists who keep the Starbucks open.
[ And then he smiles at her as she outlines all the other ideas. ]
Hear me out, Nat: We don't have to limit ourselves to one thing. We can schedule all of them.
Well, as long as we don't have any missions to prepare for.
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[there's a laugh and she takes another bite of food, enjoying their easy conversation. She loves how nothing is forced between them. They could make the weather interesting she imagines. There's a small snicker and a nod.]
I wasn't planning on tackling everything in one day. I was listing date ideas, you know, ways of saying I wanted to go out with you more, Steve. But, of course, we both know that training and missions will always come first.
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But okay, we can spread them out. Pick one or two to do. Maybe a week at a time.
[ This is definitely starting to sound like a more permanent arrangement.
But Steve's definitely a permanent arrangement kind of man. ]
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[It doesn't matter if all the movies he likes are the old black and white film. She enjoys any movies really. There wasn't much in the way of freedom in her line of work, and catching up on all that she's missed over the years has been enjoyable. Taking time to not have sex, but to sit and cuddle with someone on the bed or couch and watch any kind of TV is something to look forward to.
Not that she wouldn't get a little frisky if she wanted to, but there's never pressure, and what's a kiss or two to enjoy when you're curled up under blankets. The thought makes her smile, even if she's not saying a word.]
I think that should be our next big endeavor.
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Might be a nice change of pace.
[ He smiles and then realizes something. ]
So, when you were trying to set me up with just about everyone except you, was that part of the plan? Because if you'd just asked me out directly, I wouldn't have said no.
[ Nat's. Well, Nat. If anything, Steve would've thought she was joking. She's way out of his league, as far as he understands leagues. ]
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[she's going to stop, and the look on her face as she peers down at her glass with mirth says exactly that. Nat bites at the corner of her lip and then glances back at him. How could she ever be healthy for someone this wonderful and completely wholesome. Yes, he's in the business, but she could still eat him for breakfast on a good day.
It's with a small sigh that she puts some food in her mouth so she doesn't have to speak for a moment and then finally after a sip of wine she looks back at him.]
I figured you might say yes. That was the problem. If you were dating someone else, then I didn't have to worry about how much I liked you.
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- Nat, I guess.
[ He takes a breath, because he knows that she thinks that she's not possibly worthy of Mjölnir, that she has a lot to atone for. But she was also raised to be a child assassin, brainwashed by a regime. She fought her way out, saw good, wanted to do that with her life. ]
I guess what I'm saying is, your past matters to me because it matters to you. But what's more relevant is who you are now. What you're doing now. And I really like who that is.
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[there's a pause there, because if they were together she would give up certain things. She would never cheat on him, and so that side of using her body to get what she wanted, what she needed would be off the table. Nat was plenty smart to out-wit the majority of political diplomats on her own recognizance. They just liked to see her as a set of tits and ass first.
Plus, it made it easier to be deadly when they were expecting a naked woman. She sighed and clasped their fingers together tightly. ]
You are entirely too good for me, but I've wanted this for so long. I've watched you struggle to become who you are today, struggle against the politics and machinations of government and fight for true change and I can't help but admire who you are so much. You're hot enough to send me to my knees, but it's you and your heart that I've always loved.
[finishing, she dips her head, unsteady and unsure of what to do-- confessing all her feelings was not in the cards for tonight. How that happened is a surprise to her.]
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[ He listens to all of this, really lets it sink in, and really thinks about what she says, and that's the first thing he says. ]
I know you think I'm too good for you, but I'm not. I'm not - we're just two people. Trying to do the right thing, Nat.
[ He's just trying to figure out how to say this so it doesn't seem like she owes him anything or that he's better than she is, because he's not. He doesn't believe that. He wants them to be on equal footing, so she knows that he thinks of her -- he needs to use his words. ]
I think so highly of you, Nat. There's really no one else I'd rather have fighting by me. I.
[ He takes her hand, and looks up into her eyes, trying to catch them in a moment where the two of them can see each other plainly, where she can see that he's got nothing to hide. ]
I love you too.
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He's not perfect, even if in her eyes, he's all that she can see. ]
You're so amazing, and yeah, we're both trying to do the right thing. You end up getting the better stick most of the time. I'm trying, and...
[it's all that he says next that shuts her mouth and catches her completely off guard. In part, Nat hadn't truly realized what she said before. She knows that in her heart that's what she feels, but she'd coupled it with a lot of other things, and spoke about other things being what she loved, not thinking that what her words amounted to were literally the fact that she did love him.
That's why when he caught her eye, and looked at her plainly, seeing her in the way she only let him see her tonight. She'd only just opened herself up this way tonight, so that he could see her heart.
Those words. She never thought she'd hear them from anyone. After her breath returns she stutters out his name, and then pulls her chair over to the side so that she's so much closer to Steve. With his hand in hers, she looks back at him and takes a deep breath.]
I- I do. I love you too Steve. You and no one else. If you will have me. I will do my best to be with you, and be yours.
[she closes her eyes, terrified as she is excited and passionate. opening them once again, nat pulls their hands in close and tugs Steve to her so that she can press their lips together softly. It's one of the most careful and softest kisses she's ever given and it's very different than the one they shared in disguise before. This has emotion and feeling behind it. ]
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And it's not like Steve's hands are fully clean, either. He's killed, but he can't let that take him down. He doesn't know how to phrase this again, like how he'd said to Wanda - they need to keep fighting, and that's all they can do. They can't change the past, they can only do better in the future.
He's still trying to come up with the words when she starts talking again, and though he should see the kiss coming, it still surprises him, though he recovers a lot more easily than he had the first go-around. No need for Nat to tell him he's bad at kissing this time.
When they finally break, he has his hands at her waist. ]
You're already doing your best, Nat. That's all I could hope for.
[ He offers her a small smile. ]
Why don't I pay for this and we... take a walk around?
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Nat knows that if she's going to hold onto it forever, she won't make it. There's times she hasn't been quick enough, or strong enough but for the most part she's still only human. There's some of her that's super, but it's not too much.
Sitting here with Steve is the first time in a long time that Natasha can remember truly feeling one hundred percent like a whole woman. His arms make her do that. ]
I know, and if it's somehow good enough for you then I'll let it be and I think that's a great idea if you're sure you've had enough to eat.
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So, he takes out his cash - of course he still pays with cash - and happily offers his arm out to her. ]
Where should we walk?
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Outside, a nice, if still warm breeze blows along the sidewalk. Down the way she can hear music coming from somewhere. She nods her head toward the slower song of a saxophone]
How about we find it.
[In a slightly intimate manner, she tips her head and noses against his neck, kissing it softly. ]
Thank you for everything tonight. It's been totally unexpected, but I don't know when I last felt like this.
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[ He looks a bit sheepish. ]
Honestly, it's nice. Getting to spend time with you when we're not covered in alien guts or up to our necks in conspiracies.
Don't you think so?
[ Finally, he gets to be free. To do things. None of that stuff where he tells Nat he's too busy. ]
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[There's that look she adores. One moment he can be bold, and then next so shy. It's such a study in dichotomies being with him, but Nat loves that about him. ]
It is good to see one another when the world isn't falling apart, or when we aren't dodging crazy threats from crazier people. Walking freely and without worry down a street is wonderful.
[she brings his hand to her lips and dots a kiss over each of his fingers. ]
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[ He says, noncommittally, because it's Steve and Steve has a lot of problems and most of them are with how he clams up whenever he talks to a beautiful woman. Honestly, this is already a lot braver than he normally is, but only because he and Nat are such good friends. ]
You know the best part about all this is, the bad guys picked a really nice evening to take off.
[ And then, when she's done kissing his hand, he reaches over to cup her cheek, and bring het closer. ]
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She wanted him to mean something by it. At least, that's what she'd thought when he'd said it. Inhaling she smiles and leans against his hand.]
Yeah, they were nice. Steve. You say that this can be whatever I want it to be, but inside the restaurant.. you told me that you loved me. Was that just a friendly thing then?
[She swallows hard, and glances up, moving into the shadow of his body.]
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Nat, none of this comes easy to me. I don't know what to say. I love you, but I don't know how that works.
[ He doesn't even know how to love someone. He's never gotten the chance. ]
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