I'm still not perfect Steve, you know that. I do private work. I try to make sure it's for good, but I've done things I'm not proud of. I use my skills, all of my skills.
[there's a pause there, because if they were together she would give up certain things. She would never cheat on him, and so that side of using her body to get what she wanted, what she needed would be off the table. Nat was plenty smart to out-wit the majority of political diplomats on her own recognizance. They just liked to see her as a set of tits and ass first.
Plus, it made it easier to be deadly when they were expecting a naked woman. She sighed and clasped their fingers together tightly. ]
You are entirely too good for me, but I've wanted this for so long. I've watched you struggle to become who you are today, struggle against the politics and machinations of government and fight for true change and I can't help but admire who you are so much. You're hot enough to send me to my knees, but it's you and your heart that I've always loved.
[finishing, she dips her head, unsteady and unsure of what to do-- confessing all her feelings was not in the cards for tonight. How that happened is a surprise to her.]
[ He listens to all of this, really lets it sink in, and really thinks about what she says, and that's the first thing he says. ]
I know you think I'm too good for you, but I'm not. I'm not - we're just two people. Trying to do the right thing, Nat.
[ He's just trying to figure out how to say this so it doesn't seem like she owes him anything or that he's better than she is, because he's not. He doesn't believe that. He wants them to be on equal footing, so she knows that he thinks of her -- he needs to use his words. ]
I think so highly of you, Nat. There's really no one else I'd rather have fighting by me. I.
[ He takes her hand, and looks up into her eyes, trying to catch them in a moment where the two of them can see each other plainly, where she can see that he's got nothing to hide. ]
[In her head it registers that no one is truly perfect, but at times all she can see is the red in her ledger. Nat knows she's worked hard to wipe it clean, but there will always be that force there-- and trouble will always exist on the horizon. She stops though, stops trying to sabotage everything decent here before it can really settle and she lets Steve have the floor.
He's not perfect, even if in her eyes, he's all that she can see. ]
You're so amazing, and yeah, we're both trying to do the right thing. You end up getting the better stick most of the time. I'm trying, and...
[it's all that he says next that shuts her mouth and catches her completely off guard. In part, Nat hadn't truly realized what she said before. She knows that in her heart that's what she feels, but she'd coupled it with a lot of other things, and spoke about other things being what she loved, not thinking that what her words amounted to were literally the fact that she did love him.
That's why when he caught her eye, and looked at her plainly, seeing her in the way she only let him see her tonight. She'd only just opened herself up this way tonight, so that he could see her heart.
Those words. She never thought she'd hear them from anyone. After her breath returns she stutters out his name, and then pulls her chair over to the side so that she's so much closer to Steve. With his hand in hers, she looks back at him and takes a deep breath.]
I- I do. I love you too Steve. You and no one else. If you will have me. I will do my best to be with you, and be yours.
[she closes her eyes, terrified as she is excited and passionate. opening them once again, nat pulls their hands in close and tugs Steve to her so that she can press their lips together softly. It's one of the most careful and softest kisses she's ever given and it's very different than the one they shared in disguise before. This has emotion and feeling behind it. ]
[ He still doesn't understand it. He's seen her record. It's bad, yes, but it's not the worst he's seen. She has so much guilt that she can't even accept the good that she's done afterwards.
And it's not like Steve's hands are fully clean, either. He's killed, but he can't let that take him down. He doesn't know how to phrase this again, like how he'd said to Wanda - they need to keep fighting, and that's all they can do. They can't change the past, they can only do better in the future.
He's still trying to come up with the words when she starts talking again, and though he should see the kiss coming, it still surprises him, though he recovers a lot more easily than he had the first go-around. No need for Nat to tell him he's bad at kissing this time.
When they finally break, he has his hands at her waist. ]
You're already doing your best, Nat. That's all I could hope for.
[ He offers her a small smile. ]
Why don't I pay for this and we... take a walk around?
[There are a lot of things that aren't in her record, and so much that is redacted even from the things that are listed. Then there are the things they brainwashed her with, and beyond. She's colored inside and outside the lines. She's been killing since before she became a woman even. It's not even about that anymore, and that's what she's doing her best to release into the world at large.
Nat knows that if she's going to hold onto it forever, she won't make it. There's times she hasn't been quick enough, or strong enough but for the most part she's still only human. There's some of her that's super, but it's not too much.
Sitting here with Steve is the first time in a long time that Natasha can remember truly feeling one hundred percent like a whole woman. His arms make her do that. ]
I know, and if it's somehow good enough for you then I'll let it be and I think that's a great idea if you're sure you've had enough to eat.
[ Well, he could always eat more, because he's Steve. He could easily continue to just eat, like a cow does, all day. But he won't, because he's had his fill and what he really wants is to walk with Nat.
So, he takes out his cash - of course he still pays with cash - and happily offers his arm out to her. ]
[There's a small grin on her face as she waits for him to pay their bill with cash, and for the waitress to come back. When everything's settled she stands and stretches, making sure her lower cut dress doesn't do anything revealing and slips her arm through his.
Outside, a nice, if still warm breeze blows along the sidewalk. Down the way she can hear music coming from somewhere. She nods her head toward the slower song of a saxophone]
How about we find it.
[In a slightly intimate manner, she tips her head and noses against his neck, kissing it softly. ]
Thank you for everything tonight. It's been totally unexpected, but I don't know when I last felt like this.
I didn't realize that this was anything more than two friends having dinner, Steve. That it could ever be that.
[There's that look she adores. One moment he can be bold, and then next so shy. It's such a study in dichotomies being with him, but Nat loves that about him. ]
It is good to see one another when the world isn't falling apart, or when we aren't dodging crazy threats from crazier people. Walking freely and without worry down a street is wonderful.
[she brings his hand to her lips and dots a kiss over each of his fingers. ]
[ He says, noncommittally, because it's Steve and Steve has a lot of problems and most of them are with how he clams up whenever he talks to a beautiful woman. Honestly, this is already a lot braver than he normally is, but only because he and Nat are such good friends. ]
You know the best part about all this is, the bad guys picked a really nice evening to take off.
[ And then, when she's done kissing his hand, he reaches over to cup her cheek, and bring het closer. ]
[she pauses, and looks up at him and tips her head a little looking into her eyes. Her heart does this funny thing inside her and her stomach drops a little. Did she misunderstand things in the restaurant. Usually when a man says they love you, they mean something by it.
She wanted him to mean something by it. At least, that's what she'd thought when he'd said it. Inhaling she smiles and leans against his hand.]
Yeah, they were nice. Steve. You say that this can be whatever I want it to be, but inside the restaurant.. you told me that you loved me. Was that just a friendly thing then?
[She swallows hard, and glances up, moving into the shadow of his body.]
[she has to laugh a little there. The two people on the planet who don't really know how love work, real, true love that is. Nat has an idea from movies and books, but she's never had the real stuff directed at her.
She looks at him, and he says it again. She can feel it, but she doesn't know if she wants to kiss him or cry. Her heart is a mess. It has been a mess for a long time. ]
It doesn't come easy to me either, Steve. I want to be with you. I'll take the time you need, but maybe it can look like you and I are... together. People do that right? What do you want. I just want to be with you. I want you to be happy.
[Moving in closer, she wraps her arms around his waist and settles them there to see how it feels to hold him, be near him like this.]
Then ask me out already... ask me to go steady, to be your girl. I want to be the only one in your life. Period, and I want all the labels. I've never had them.
[she laughs as she spells it out for him. Only for him would she ever do such a thing. He should know being as old fashioned as he is what it means to have a girl, but she'll give him pause for missing half his life.
tipping her head, she casts her eye at the blossom behind her ear. He sure is sweet, 100% candy. All that she's ever wanted.]
I'll try to give myself more credit, because you see so much in me.
[she shakes her head, and then is finally silent when he asks her to be his. It's what she's been wanting all along. It was why she never wanted to have time alone with him, and why she always wanted to be alone with him. Feelings were weird and complicated. ]
That was hard, wasn't it?
[she reaches up and runs her hand over his cheek]
Yes, Steven Rogers. I will be beyond happy to be your girlfriend. You know this means you're going to have to kiss me on a regular basis now, think you might be able to handle it?
[pulling him back to her, she steals another kiss-- this one a little bit longer, enough to let him know how much he means to her and to slide her tongue into his mouth to deepen things and take them to the next level. Natasha doesn't mind taking her time with Steve, but she has a thing for kissing. He's going to have to get used to it. That and being close.
Now that she's with him, she has the need to feel close to Steve. It's nothing she's ever really give to anyone else-- always keeping them at arms length. For this, she'd give up quite a bit.]
I think I know how to do the undercover gig. I might have been doing it a few years now.
[she smirks, but doesn't move away from him an inch. ]
Good thing we're not undercover now. We've got all evening to ourselves. I wonder how in the world we'll ever deal.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[there's a pause there, because if they were together she would give up certain things. She would never cheat on him, and so that side of using her body to get what she wanted, what she needed would be off the table. Nat was plenty smart to out-wit the majority of political diplomats on her own recognizance. They just liked to see her as a set of tits and ass first.
Plus, it made it easier to be deadly when they were expecting a naked woman. She sighed and clasped their fingers together tightly. ]
You are entirely too good for me, but I've wanted this for so long. I've watched you struggle to become who you are today, struggle against the politics and machinations of government and fight for true change and I can't help but admire who you are so much. You're hot enough to send me to my knees, but it's you and your heart that I've always loved.
[finishing, she dips her head, unsteady and unsure of what to do-- confessing all her feelings was not in the cards for tonight. How that happened is a surprise to her.]
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[ He listens to all of this, really lets it sink in, and really thinks about what she says, and that's the first thing he says. ]
I know you think I'm too good for you, but I'm not. I'm not - we're just two people. Trying to do the right thing, Nat.
[ He's just trying to figure out how to say this so it doesn't seem like she owes him anything or that he's better than she is, because he's not. He doesn't believe that. He wants them to be on equal footing, so she knows that he thinks of her -- he needs to use his words. ]
I think so highly of you, Nat. There's really no one else I'd rather have fighting by me. I.
[ He takes her hand, and looks up into her eyes, trying to catch them in a moment where the two of them can see each other plainly, where she can see that he's got nothing to hide. ]
I love you too.
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He's not perfect, even if in her eyes, he's all that she can see. ]
You're so amazing, and yeah, we're both trying to do the right thing. You end up getting the better stick most of the time. I'm trying, and...
[it's all that he says next that shuts her mouth and catches her completely off guard. In part, Nat hadn't truly realized what she said before. She knows that in her heart that's what she feels, but she'd coupled it with a lot of other things, and spoke about other things being what she loved, not thinking that what her words amounted to were literally the fact that she did love him.
That's why when he caught her eye, and looked at her plainly, seeing her in the way she only let him see her tonight. She'd only just opened herself up this way tonight, so that he could see her heart.
Those words. She never thought she'd hear them from anyone. After her breath returns she stutters out his name, and then pulls her chair over to the side so that she's so much closer to Steve. With his hand in hers, she looks back at him and takes a deep breath.]
I- I do. I love you too Steve. You and no one else. If you will have me. I will do my best to be with you, and be yours.
[she closes her eyes, terrified as she is excited and passionate. opening them once again, nat pulls their hands in close and tugs Steve to her so that she can press their lips together softly. It's one of the most careful and softest kisses she's ever given and it's very different than the one they shared in disguise before. This has emotion and feeling behind it. ]
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And it's not like Steve's hands are fully clean, either. He's killed, but he can't let that take him down. He doesn't know how to phrase this again, like how he'd said to Wanda - they need to keep fighting, and that's all they can do. They can't change the past, they can only do better in the future.
He's still trying to come up with the words when she starts talking again, and though he should see the kiss coming, it still surprises him, though he recovers a lot more easily than he had the first go-around. No need for Nat to tell him he's bad at kissing this time.
When they finally break, he has his hands at her waist. ]
You're already doing your best, Nat. That's all I could hope for.
[ He offers her a small smile. ]
Why don't I pay for this and we... take a walk around?
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Nat knows that if she's going to hold onto it forever, she won't make it. There's times she hasn't been quick enough, or strong enough but for the most part she's still only human. There's some of her that's super, but it's not too much.
Sitting here with Steve is the first time in a long time that Natasha can remember truly feeling one hundred percent like a whole woman. His arms make her do that. ]
I know, and if it's somehow good enough for you then I'll let it be and I think that's a great idea if you're sure you've had enough to eat.
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So, he takes out his cash - of course he still pays with cash - and happily offers his arm out to her. ]
Where should we walk?
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Outside, a nice, if still warm breeze blows along the sidewalk. Down the way she can hear music coming from somewhere. She nods her head toward the slower song of a saxophone]
How about we find it.
[In a slightly intimate manner, she tips her head and noses against his neck, kissing it softly. ]
Thank you for everything tonight. It's been totally unexpected, but I don't know when I last felt like this.
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[ He looks a bit sheepish. ]
Honestly, it's nice. Getting to spend time with you when we're not covered in alien guts or up to our necks in conspiracies.
Don't you think so?
[ Finally, he gets to be free. To do things. None of that stuff where he tells Nat he's too busy. ]
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[There's that look she adores. One moment he can be bold, and then next so shy. It's such a study in dichotomies being with him, but Nat loves that about him. ]
It is good to see one another when the world isn't falling apart, or when we aren't dodging crazy threats from crazier people. Walking freely and without worry down a street is wonderful.
[she brings his hand to her lips and dots a kiss over each of his fingers. ]
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[ He says, noncommittally, because it's Steve and Steve has a lot of problems and most of them are with how he clams up whenever he talks to a beautiful woman. Honestly, this is already a lot braver than he normally is, but only because he and Nat are such good friends. ]
You know the best part about all this is, the bad guys picked a really nice evening to take off.
[ And then, when she's done kissing his hand, he reaches over to cup her cheek, and bring het closer. ]
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She wanted him to mean something by it. At least, that's what she'd thought when he'd said it. Inhaling she smiles and leans against his hand.]
Yeah, they were nice. Steve. You say that this can be whatever I want it to be, but inside the restaurant.. you told me that you loved me. Was that just a friendly thing then?
[She swallows hard, and glances up, moving into the shadow of his body.]
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Nat, none of this comes easy to me. I don't know what to say. I love you, but I don't know how that works.
[ He doesn't even know how to love someone. He's never gotten the chance. ]
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She looks at him, and he says it again. She can feel it, but she doesn't know if she wants to kiss him or cry. Her heart is a mess. It has been a mess for a long time. ]
It doesn't come easy to me either, Steve. I want to be with you. I'll take the time you need, but maybe it can look like you and I are... together. People do that right? What do you want. I just want to be with you. I want you to be happy.
[Moving in closer, she wraps her arms around his waist and settles them there to see how it feels to hold him, be near him like this.]
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[ He smiles and gives her a little squeeze. ]
I think you're amazing. And you don't give yourself enough credit.
[ He reaches over and plucks a blossom from a bush, and tucks it behind her ear. ]
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[she laughs as she spells it out for him. Only for him would she ever do such a thing. He should know being as old fashioned as he is what it means to have a girl, but she'll give him pause for missing half his life.
tipping her head, she casts her eye at the blossom behind her ear. He sure is sweet, 100% candy. All that she's ever wanted.]
I'll try to give myself more credit, because you see so much in me.
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[ But he quirks a grin, and then tries: ]
Would you like to be my girlfriend?
[ That might work a little better. Modernize it. Bring it to the current year. ]
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[she shakes her head, and then is finally silent when he asks her to be his. It's what she's been wanting all along. It was why she never wanted to have time alone with him, and why she always wanted to be alone with him. Feelings were weird and complicated. ]
That was hard, wasn't it?
[she reaches up and runs her hand over his cheek]
Yes, Steven Rogers. I will be beyond happy to be your girlfriend. You know this means you're going to have to kiss me on a regular basis now, think you might be able to handle it?
[she teases him, laughing a little.]
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[ He smiles and leans into her on the street, giving her a quick kiss. ]
But now you know what we can't do?
We can't do this undercover. It'll get blown.
[ Which is an unfortunate trade-off. They won't be able to do missions together. ]
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Now that she's with him, she has the need to feel close to Steve. It's nothing she's ever really give to anyone else-- always keeping them at arms length. For this, she'd give up quite a bit.]
I think I know how to do the undercover gig. I might have been doing it a few years now.
[she smirks, but doesn't move away from him an inch. ]
Good thing we're not undercover now. We've got all evening to ourselves. I wonder how in the world we'll ever deal.